- tips for understanding Japanese culture
Our members are generally cosmopolitan people, with an ap preciation of western culture. However, there are differences in manners and etiquette, and it will help you to find your perfect partner if you observe a few guidelines.
1. Take an interest If a Japanese person gives you his or her business card, do not simply put it into your pocket as you might the card of a colleague from the west – in Japan this is considered impolite. Read the card immediately and comment on what it says, or how it looks. This demonstrates that you take an interest in the person who gave it to you.
2. Be a good host If you are entertaining a Japanese woman, try to anticipate anything that she might want during the date. It may make your guest feel uncomfortable if she has to ask for something – such as a drink – as this is considered rude in Japanese society. Make a point of inviting your guest to eat or drink, even if the meal is already on the table. She may not feel at ease until invited to begin.
3. Keep it light The concept of harmony is important in traditional Japanese society. In the workplace and in social life, people are expected to maintain polite and amiable relations with colleagues and friends. It is considered rude to force your opinions onto other people or to be verbally aggressive.
4. Give a little The giving and receiving of gifts is a more formal process in Japan than in most western countries. Japanese people frequently give gifts on business or social occasions, especially when visiting someone’s home as a guest. You can show your respect for a Japanese friend by giving her a present. Bear in mind that the way the gift is wrapped and presented is as important, if not more so, than its value.
5. Take a bow in Japan, you demonstrate your respect for another person by bowing. As someone from the west, you would not normally be expected to bow first. However, you should always return a Japanese person’s bow, as not to do so would be impolite.
6. Shake with care Modern Japanese people are familiar with the western custom of shaking hand, especially when doing business. However, don’t shake too hard or for too long, as many Japanese people are uncomfortable with a grip that is hearty and firm. Equally, don’t assume he or she is being rude by gripping your hand briefly and lightly.
7. Polite phrases These are central to Japanese culture, but they don't always mean what they appear to. If you ask a Japanese person whether something is possible – a meeting for instance – and he replies "I will consider it carefully", he may simply mean "no". This can be confusing for people from the west, but it merely shows that your Japanese friend does not wish to hurt your feelings.
8. Show respect Japanese people demonstrate their respect for each other in many ways that are non-verbal. If a guest visits your home and takes off her coat, for instance, it would be rude to drape it over the banister, as we might in the UK. The coat should be hung carefully on a hook. If the guest brings you a present, do not tear off the wrapping and toss it into a bin. Show respect for the care that has been taken in preparing the gift by removing the paper carefully and folding it.
9. Silence is golden If a Japanese person pauses for what seems like a long time in the middle of a conversation, do not try to fill the hiatus with your own words. Periods of silence are a sign that the person is thinking carefully about what you have said, and should not be interpreted as lack of interest or rudeness.
10. I’m listening When you are talking to a Japanese person, she may nod her head many times. However, don’t assume that she agrees with everything you say. Nodding in Japan is a way of telling your interlocutor "I am listening carefully to what you are saying".
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